My home coming was too exciting! I missed my life and couldn't wait to get back to school, I was so bored and in desperate need of stimulation. Looking back now as an adult and having spoken to my sister (Natasha) about this time, I realize just how hard it had been on my family. They suffered too, not having my mom around. Tash was living with a friend, and was so scared about everything. My home coming was a great relief to everyone in so many ways
We realized very soon that life wasn't going to just pick up and carry on, so much had changed and so much had to still change. First thing I needed were sunglasses I remember my eyes aching from the glare. I wasn't used to direct sunlight. We got me the latest mirror glasses, my brother said I looked like a fly! Much better!
It was early December 1987 when I was released from hospital. So what was first thing we did as a family? Chill at home and give me time to re-adjust? Nope, we packed up and went on holiday to Durban! We must have been crazy, but that's what I love about my family!
In Durban
We had a holiday flat, well actually a block of flats owned by family members and close friends. It was lovely to be with people that were so worried about me. I remember feeling sad that the stairs I used to race up and down, I was now being carried up and down. The seaside was our play ground we spent hours digging in the sand and building sandcastles, swimming in the sea. I loved every minute. Now though, the beach was a place of torture, the sand was hard to lie on, I couldn't swim any-more, I couldn't build sandcastles, and it was too hot for me even under an umbrella. I had to get to know the new me and find out what I enjoyed doing!
Another new experience was going out in to public for the first time in a wheelchair, strapped into wheelchair. It was exhausting just going out for even a short time, every muscle ached afterwards. The worst I think were the stares, people stared at me and it upset so much. I was only 10 years old and thought I must have looked like a freak. People often fell over themselves they were staring so much. My sister used to get mad and give them a dirty look, like only she could. Even with the rude stares going out for a ride in my wheelchair, in Durban was fun. The holiday atmosphere was tangible and if I was lucky we could get an ice-cream. Yes I enjoyed that very much!
More Changes
Back home we had a lot to do, I needed a physio therapist to begin with. We found a lovely lady who would come to my house, I loved physio when I was in hospital, it was time I could spend talking with someone, it was stimulating. At that stage I couldn't move anything so physio was more like a relaxing massage, but things changed very soon. Physio was now very hard, my muscles ached and I got so frustrated looking at my body, gritting my teeth, willing the muscles to move but getting nothing in response. It had only been two months after all, the reality soon hit, this was going take a long time! Even though it didn't feel like it I did actually progress very quickly, by the time we got back from holiday, I didn't need to be strapped into the wheelchair, I could hold myself up now. With my left hand I could write and colour in pictures. It felt amazing to colour in, it was like a whole new experience. Colouring in was stimulating and creative, something I could physically do by myself, it's such simple things that I missed doing.
The time came for my parents to break the news to me that I wouldn't be able to go back to school with my sister and be with my friends. We needed to find a special school where the kids were like me, I don't remember being upset, I think I was just scared. So much had changed and now a really huge change, but my parents were and still are such amazingly strong and positive people. They were so encouraging and helped me to face the facts and in the end I was actually excited. I remember so clearly my dad talking to me and I knew whatever happened it would be okay, I would be okay. I had a family that loved and accepted the new me and all the challenges. I was talking to my sister and we were remembering this time and she reminded me that through everything we never saw our parents discouraged, we never saw them even look like they were taking strain. They were so strong and happy, always helping me laugh at myself and guiding me to love myself. I hope I can carry on with this attitude and pass it on to my little girl. I think I'll call my dad and tell him how much I love him, I wish my mother was around so I could give her an extra tight hug!
