So now had a social life, I went to youth group on a Friday night and church on a Sunday morning and evening. I loved it, though there was a lot I didn't understand but, I was learning slowing. I felt like I belonged somewhere. I think the biggest change was in my heart. I had a peace about everything, maybe I would walk normally one day, maybe not. It didn't matter to me, I wanted to be normal but it didn't bother me any-more. I was content to be me and figure out with God what would happen next. I was just so sick of all the drama and frustration, I wanted to accept who I was and move on. I would never be dancer or an athlete. It didn't matter, there was still loads I could do, like... well I wasn't really sure what disabled people did for a living, but like I mentioned, it didn't matter really, did it? I just remember wanting to stop seeing doctors who had no answers, I wanted to stop physio that was just frustrating (even though looking back the results were remarkable). My parents gave in eventually and I was left to live my life struggle free, well at least with a few less struggles.
The freak show
I was happy to be me. If God wants to heal me that's great, but I'm certainly not running off to see the latest crazed evangelist. I had experienced that too many times already, I was not going to be the subject of anybodies freak show!
Ah man when I think back, I must've had an experience with every freak in a 100km radius. Everyone had a different answer but it was always weird. I had people making me sit on magnetic chairs, yes, you think a magnetic bracelet will heal you, how about a whole chair! I just remember being hyperactive for the next few days, and unable to focus! I had pieces of my hair sent to China, then we eagerly awaited a package that would contain a white powder for me drink. Thank the Lord no powder ever arrived! I had three men come to the house one day. They stood around me while they summoned the spirits - they called masked friends, to release my trapped body! On leaving they told my grandmother they felt the spirit of an old man in our house, she was overjoyed my grandfather had died of cancer years earlier. Well me, not so overjoyed!
Yes I just wanted to blend, less freaky and more normal was what I was looking for!
I became teenager and by that time I was walking with a crutch, just one as my right arm wasn't strong enough. This was great if I stood still, I didn't look disabled, maybe I had injured myself doing sport, or maybe an accident, I was more normal than ever. My mother had a friend who owned the local gym, she suggested I come in during the day when they were quiet and try exercising with their help. This I was up for. When I got there and realized my personal trainer was by far the hottest guy in town, I was all-the-more inspired to work hard at my body again! So the music pumped, and I exercised on machines that normal people used. I was just another teenager working out at the gym! I got so much stronger and developed a slight 6 pack. I really started liking myself and thinking maybe some boy could possibly like me too!
I was still regularly attending church, I loved God, He was the person I could talk to and knew He had a plan for my life. I just hoped it included a husband and even children one day. Could someone over look my disablility? I thought I'd better work on being a really nice person just in case!
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